I didn’t realize when I sucked my first cock that it would lead to anything. It was 1987 and I was nineteen years old. My virginity was a memory as I had squandered it the year before. I spent most of this year in atonement and met my current boyfriend not long after. I was feeling frisky, got on the pill and decided that we should have sex. As I sat in his apartment watching him prepare a box of Hamburger Helper I felt like he was cute enough and although he was really cheap and pretty selfish he was fit, and I assumed, capable. Cocks were still a new thing for me as the 80’s waned. Once I was a young and tender Jilly with a naughty curiosity and just boys as inexperienced as I was to play with. The only thing was he really didn’t seem to have much of a sex drive. He rarely tried to touch me unless it was to hold hands. I would get a light kiss here and there, but I was basically squirming in my pants as I went about my day on campus and rubbing myself into oblivion in my dorm room at night. He seemed serious and sort of driven like some business majors can be. I admired his drive and it was a time when kids like us were being groomed in the way of Capitalism. We all wanted more and college was the starting point. Power and success is what moved him and that he didn’t seem especially horny perplexed me because I wanted it so much. I felt like I was almost unholy or weird because I wanted to go further than sitting on the couch with his arm around me watching the cable he and his friends borrowed from another apartment. I observed him closely as he doused his boxed meal with Crystal Hot Sauce and poured milk into a plastic Mardi Gras cup. While he didn’t seem sexy I hoped that now that we had talked about doing the “deed” he’d loosen up and bang the living hell out of me. We had discussed my getting on the pill and I had taken the first month’s dose. Everything was a go except for a little enthusiasm from him. For me this was a time when my life was just beginning and I wanted to have sex on a regular basis. I felt like I was an adult now and I didn’t have to explain myself to anyone. I was worrying that I had chosen the wrong boy and started a birth control regime for someone who lacked desire when other boys his age were apparently dying for the chance to fuck any girl who threw it at them. I wasn’t the kind of girl who gave it to just anybody. So, I decided that having a boyfriend made it okay. Once the dishes were done and the kitchen was cleaned up I asked him “would you like to have sex tonight?” He closed a cabinet door and turned around to face me. He said, “I have an early class in the morning and I thought we’d just watch some TV. Maybe we can try another night.” I had envisioned a different response. I replied “you don’t want to do it?” Leaning up against the counter now crossing his arms he looked down at the kitchen tile. “I want to do it.” He whispered. I felt like a ravenous teenage boy who was trying to convince his virginal girlfriend to fuck him. He wasn’t a virgin because I had met his old girlfriend several months before and he told me that they had sex a few times. If that was true this means he hasn’t had sex in over a year. He should be literally foaming at the mouth at the thought of seeing me naked! Am I a perv or something? I asked myself this question and several others while following his eyes, which moved from right to left, but never met mine. I told him that I had bought a sexy one piece for the occasion and was going to model it for him. I asked “don’t you want to see it?” He looked up and I could tell he felt ashamed, but the fact that he wasn’t really into it confounded me. So, he said, reluctantly, “you can put on your teddy for me.” Feeling like I had forced him into this I grabbed my purse and for a moment toyed with just walking out of the door. Instead I walked into the bathroom. Once I closed the door I looked in the mirror at myself. I was pretty and soft. My hair was long with auburn highlights and my makeup was perfectly applied and modest. I had, what I thought was a pretty pale skinned body and cute shell like breasts. What was wrong with me? In my heart I knew there were plenty of guys on campus that wanted to see me in this teddy. Breathing in and out I sighed deeply as I removed my top and shorts, panties and bra. I folded them neatly and put them on the back of the toilet. I took out the sheer white body suit with its tiny hot pink bows strategically sewn in the middle of the breasts and on each hip. It was cheap purchase at one of the cheaper stores in the mall. I didn’t have a lot of money, but I wanted to look hot or special for the first time with him. Obviously, I should have just left, but I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I thought if he could see me in my sexy outfit he’d be moved. It was an attempt to be sensitive to his sexual trepidation even though he couldn’t care less about making me feel desired. As I took one last look in the mirror I smiled at how grown up I seemed wearing fancy lingerie. In fact, I looked great! I was going to get something out of this evening and for remembering to take the pill every day for 28 days. I stood in the middle of the bedroom and told him I was ready. He came into the room and said “that’s very pretty.” He even seemed a little lighter and somewhat interested. I moved closer to him and took his hand and placed it on one of the little hot pink bows. “Aren’t these cute bows?” I asked. While he giggled and blushed I noticed that he seemed silly and seemed somewhat childlike in that moment. I had finally shared an intimate moment with him and discovered that he wasn’t as experienced as I hoped he’d be. What did I know? He was twenty years old. I probably scared him. I was so lustful that night. I realized I would be the one keeping this ball rolling and decided to make the best of it. I took my boyfriend’s hand and led him to the bed. I began taking his shirt off and kissing him on the lips. He was receptive and began touching my breasts with his hands and making light circles with his fingers. He seemed lightly amused and giggled here and there during our tentative foreplay. I inhaled and exhaled to calm my racing heartbeat. I was beginning to get wet. As we kissed and groped each other I lay down on his bed in front of him. He removed his shorts and underwear. He got on top of me and began to slide his body over my torso. A little strange, but not a bad start. I clutched his ass with my hands and guided his very erect penis over my pussy. We cautiously rubbed our genitals together like that for a little while. The lace provided little barrier between my juices and his weeping member. Then I remembered. “You took the pill. You’re okay.” What a relief! I rolled us over and got on top of him. I was a study in nimbleness at nineteen. I was totally dominating him and I think he liked it. I started playing with his cock and it became harder and harder. I decided to lick it with my tongue like I had seen a slutty girl in a porno do to another actor with great big balls. I didn’t really know what I was doing. I just wanted him to relax. So, I listened to the noises he made and went with his flow. As he became more aroused I then took him in my mouth. He moaned loudly and grabbed my head with his hands. He began grunting lightly as I continued sucking him and slurping him. I liked the reaction I was getting from him. He was really sexy to me now. I blew him for what seemed like a good while. Slowly I came to realize that I enjoyed what I was doing. I was pulling the passion out of my boyfriend whether he wanted me to or not. He was putty in my hands. As much as I enjoyed sucking my boyfriend I wasn’t ready to swallow his cum. At that point in my life bodily fluids were still icky to me. He grasped my hair and thrust his pelvis higher as I guided him gently with my mouth towards an ending I wasn’t quite sure I understood. Cumming was still a little confusing to me. I believe I equated it with getting pregnant and that was negative and something to avoid. I believe he understood this about most girls of our generation because we weren’t just blowing guys left and right. It was something you did begrudgingly for your man if he really deserved it. But, it wasn’t something you wanted to do. However, here I was sucking his nubile cock and loving the way this act made me feel. So, towards the end of what I considered an epic blow job he bursts out with “I want to do you! Let me get on top!” I rolled over and spread my legs. I told him “I want to keep the teddy on and pull the lace to the side so you can go in me like that.” He was about to burst into flames! I parted the lace covering my pussy and he slid past my hand and disappeared deep inside me. He and I were being intimate and at that point in my life sexual intimacy meant love. He raised up onto his arms and said “you look so good when you’re getting fucked.” I felt validated and beautiful for making all of this happen. I believed we might be heading towards a fun new chapter in our short lived relationship. He began pumping me harder and with more force and I kept waiting to orgasm, but I’m not sure I really knew how. My boyfriend was grunting and puffing like a well oiled machine as he gasped loudly and then collapsed on top of me. Little did I know this was probably our finest moment because he wound up dumping me at the end of the spring semester. He thought we should date others during the break and see about reconciling in the fall. He was the insecure type and because he was so unsure of himself he wasn’t sure about me. He did a lot of selfish things like this and more. Luckily I took it in stride and when he did this I took it as an opportunity to bail out of the relationship completely. He wasn’t cutting it for me either. I needed someone who was more at ease with himself. Fortunately, before we parted ways, we had sex several times, always with me initiating, and I was able to practice my blow job skills on him. I realized that I had a talent for pulling cum out of a man with my mouth. I knew that I was good at it now and the next lucky guy would appreciate that I even try. Other girls I knew thought that blowing their boyfriends was disgusting and was just something bad girls did because they were desperate. I wasn’t desperate. I just wanted to fuck like someone well beyond my years. I wanted quality sex and I thought it best that I didn’t mention to any of them that I liked sucking my boyfriend’s cock. I’m sure they would have disowned me and told others. I learned that I had a talent and I’ve used this to my advantage in more ways than I can count. You know what they say? If you love what you do then it isn’t a chore. I never thought it would take me anywhere, but here I am today basically making a living out of fellatio. I’m not sure my nineteen year old self would have been able to appreciate the irony, but mature Jilly thinks it’s a stroke of genius.
