I like looking at men and deciding whether they’d be good clients. It’s become a fun hobby for me. It’s very interesting to see what kind of man I’m drawn to. Young men are handsome, but there isn’t as much to read in their faces as in older men. Just like a Playboy centerfold I have “turn ons” and “turn offs.” I don’t care if you have tattoos, a comb over or if you’re wearing an ensemble from 1978. I’m looking for something I can’t describe when I scan a restaurant for those gentlemen with a certain je ne sais quoi. If I see you yelling at a waiter that’s a turn off. I also like watching the faces of the women with the men I’m studying. She’s going to completely give him away if I watch her face long enough. Get my point? More and more I rather watch the faces of older men because they have a confidence that radiates from within. They speak slowly and quietly and make me feel secure. Younger men are in some ways still learning who they are and how to handle themselves in social situations. They can get loud and I know that’s part of their sexuality. Also, it’s part nature and wanting to stand out to potential sexual conquests and possible mates. Just like a peacock. I’m not saying that younger men aren’t mature and confident because I run into the occasional millennial who’s dad put a drink and a cigarette in his hand at age ten and he’s been working ever since. This guy usually takes me in hand and I rest in the passenger seat while he drives. I learn so much about men eavesdropping on their conversations. Walking down the street or watering my plants outside I listen to road crews go back and forth about where they’re going to lay some pipe in our lousy Lower Garden streets. I’ve always appreciated a guy who isn’t afraid to get dirty and I’ve noticed these men seem free working outdoors. They work hard and laugh at the same time. Sometimes I watch an old movie and decide whether young Nicholas Cage would be a better client than middle aged Nicholas Cage. Nick loves women and he’s romantic. He can also be kind of intense. If you don’t remember look up the karaoke videos of him singing “Purple Rain” after his last marriage ended. Divorce is way of life for some people. I’m often a refuge for men after a divorce. These men are wounded even if they wanted the marriage to end. I’ve noticed that they come for only a short while. I provide them comfort and validation until they’re confident enough to dip their toes into the dating world again. A beautiful whore on Twitter, and I forget her name, said “you can have the right client if you demand him.” My Mr. Right is kind and fair. He is open and doesn’t take himself too seriously. He has a sense of humor, enjoys women for what they are rather than what they are not. If you are respectful to others then everything else will fall into place. The clients I have enjoyed the most keep coming back. I find that in some ways I attract what I am. It makes for good chemistry and the sex just keeps getting better. By the way, Nicholas Cage would be a great client at any age. Below is a list of well known men that I believe are worth mentioning.

Ben Franklin - Good client who’d like to set me up for a lot of threesomes and gang bangs. Read up on Ben. He was quite the freak.

Paul Giamatti - One of my favorite actors. He’d be compassionate and might return for a later visit.

Roy Scheider - We’d have a hot and steamy exchange. He’s gone now, but I always thought he was just smoldering.

Hugh Hefner - He would never need me, but if he did he’d be a good client and treat me well. He’d probably invite me to the mansion one day and I’d party like a rock star.

Elvis Presley - I’ve heard that Elvis was a real sweetie in the sheets. I’d listen to him talk about his momma and he might gift me a Cadillac just because he’s that kind of guy.

Edwin Edwards - He’s like J.F. K.. There should be a woman available to him hourly. He’d be prompt and wouldn’t take too long. Over the years I’ve heard tell that some of his conquests received either a television or a fur coat depending on his mood.

Kenneth Starr - Uptight and very hard nut to crack. I cannot see him being open to anything other than the usual. He’d be quick because he’d be busy later indicting someone for something unmentionable.

Sting - Yeah right. In my dreams. However, he’d be a nice one. Once I heard him say when he was asked what being a man is that it has to do with how you treat a woman and the most successful countries are the ones which treat their women well.

Ray Nagin - I get the impression that he’d be quick and easy. Might right off the visit as a “business expense.”

Jon Stewart - Kind and very sensual lover. He’d be a good client, but he’d only come one time and he might feel guilty.

Harry Styles - What a sweetheart! He would be cuddly wuddly and has enough of an edge for his age to keep up with me.

Eddie Van Halen - The creme del la creme of clients. That is, when he was in town. His impish grin and that twinkle in his eye would have me melting like a pat of butter.

John Mayer - He’s been with a lot of beautiful women over the years. I figure if he came to visit he’d be sensual and thoughtful. I’ve never heard any women complain.

Ernest Hemingway - He was fond of the drink and fond of whores. Hopefully he wouldn’t come by intoxicated and I imagine he would use me to work it out on. Not sure if this is the right combination for a good client, but maybe he would help me write my biography.

Mark Meadows - I see him mostly on his phone making back handed agreements with the men of his ilk. He’d probably let me blow him because in his mind it isn’t really sex if I don’t touch her. Later he might get on his hands and knees begging his pastor for forgiveness.

Will Smith - Super cool and totally worth showering for. I always liked Will. He has a sweet light which I think make his eyes look sparkly in his best moments. I wish he’d love himself more and not continue to let Jada hurt him. She’ll never surrender or be satisfied.